


Confession

by blue_eyes_incognito



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Catholic Matt Murdock, Confession, Gen, Penance - Freeform, Roman Catholicism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 04:56:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6891109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_eyes_incognito/pseuds/blue_eyes_incognito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt goes to confession and realizes that telling the truth is the only path to absolution.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confession

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place just before Matt tells Karen that he's Daredevil. This is a speculation regarding what may have transpired to give him the final push to come clean. Matt is REALLY CATHOLIC here. Like, this probably borders on boring or ridiculous to those of you who don't find this particular aspect of the character to be as interesting as I do.

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It's been...at least a year since my last confession." Matt crossed himself as he kneeled inside of the confessional. He pushed the screen aside, choosing as he often did, to give his confession face-to-face. It wasn't like Father Lantom hadn't known him since he was a teenager, and Matt saw no point in pretending anonymity, which, given the reason for his confession, was actually a bit ironic.

"Have confidence in God. It's good to see you again, Matty. What's on your mind?" Father Lantom was friendly and addressed Matt as if he saw him regularly and not as if it had been more than a year since the last time Matt had set foot inside a confessional.

Matt took a deep breath and launched into a monologue of what had been weighing on him.

"I've lied to my friends, Father, people who are like family to me. I've lied to them a lot. And I think that my lies might have almost cost one of them her life. She's fine. Physically, anyway--she's alive. Others...others died that night, and their blood is on my hands. I've lied by omission; I never told them what I did, or who I really was. My best friend figured it out, and I think those lies damaged our friendship. My other friend, who might have been my girlfriend, but I don't know what she thinks of me anymore, I never told her. And she was the one who I put in danger. And I don't know if my lie of omission caused that, or if it kept her safe. Maybe she'd have died if she'd known who I really am...what I really do. But when it came down to it, even behind my mask, I was the same person to her as I always have been. But my best friend, I don't think he's ever quite forgiven me. And Ka-- my girlfriend, if she knows the truth, she hasn't said anything, and I'm afraid that she'll never forgive me."

"The forgiveness of man is never as unconditional, and certainly never as immediate as that of God," Father Lantom said, "But if these people mean so much to you, why have you kept this from them?"

"I thought I was protecting them. But I think I was wrong."

"There's a saying about the road to Hell and good intentions. It's not exactly in the Bible, but in this case, I think it applies."

Matt sighed in acquiescence. "My friend who knows--"

"Foggy?" Father Lantom interrupted, more with the intent of making the telling of this story easier on Matt than with the intent to pry. He'd known Matt long enough to tell when he was struggling at a confession and using vagaries to hold himself back.

"Yeah, Foggy. He found out last year. He found me on the roof after I got shot in the head."

Father Lantom did his best to not show any surprise at this, but for as well as he could control his expression, Matt still heard his breath and his heart change with his shock. Matt cleared his throat slightly and continued. "I made him promise not to tell Karen, and I'm pretty sure he's been mad at me ever since."

"And Karen, she's..." Father Lantom sought clarification.

"She's our secretary. And my girlfriend. Was. Was my girlfriend. I think. That's where it gets complicated. I flaked out during a really important case because something bigger was happening. And my ex-girlfriend from college--the ambassador's daughter--she was in some trouble. She'd gotten really hurt, and Karen saw her sleeping in my bed before I could figure out how to tell her...how to explain. But you have to believe me Father, nothing happened. She was really hurt...I thought she was going to die. She had no place else to go. I prayed so much that night. I prayed that she'd be okay. I prayed for the words to explain this to Karen. I prayed that I'd just know how to fix things. None of those prayers were answered, Father, and I haven't been able to bring myself to pray since. And that's really why I'm here...because I'm not sure where God is."

Father Lantom took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, carefully considering his next words to Matt. Matthew Murdock, whom he had known for close to twenty years, was an emotional, perceptive, troubled young man who more often than not came to confession or mass with a genuine crisis of faith. 

"God is always in the truth, Matt. And don't misunderstand, none of what's happened to you is a punishment. Prayers aren't always answered in the way we expect them to be, especially when we're so clouded with our own falsehoods."

Matt screwed up his face with mild irritation. He knew that Father Lantom was telling him what he needed to hear, but he could have done without the mystical bullshit today.

"I know that face," Father Lantom said with a slight chuckle, "You want me to get down to brass tacks on this. Well, I'm afraid it's not quite as simple as a few 'Hail Marys' and 'Our Fathers.' Though those are always a good start. No. You're going to have to apologize to Foggy. Honestly and genuinely. He may or may not forgive you right away, but if you're sincere, I have no doubt he'll come around eventually. As for your lady friend--Karen, you said her name was? You're going to have to start by telling her the truth. There's something in your voice when you talk about her, Matt. I've known you to be infatuated with women before, but something tells me you really love this Karen."

Matt tried to suppress a smile as he nodded slightly. "Yeah--yes, I think I really do."

"Then she deserves the truth. She deserves to know you as you truly are. And once she knows, if she feels the same way toward you, her path toward forgiving you may be surprisingly short. But only if you're entirely honest, Matt. Tell her everything."

Matt exhaled sharply through his nose. "Was it really so wrong of me to want to protect them?"

"That's not a question I can answer, Matt. You have to examine your conscience and decide that for yourself."

Matt nodded and began considering this deeply for several moments. "I'm truly sorry for what I've done," he said finally.

"To be absolved, you should pray the Rosary," Father Lantom prescribed, "And you should also apologize to your friends and give them the truth they deserve."

Matt bowed his head slightly and prayed, speaking words that he'd spoken hundreds of times in his life, but this time they somehow took new meaning. 

"My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things..."

\--

Matt returned to his apartment following Mass, feeling lighter, but not yet fully absolved. He still had penance to do. He retrieved his mask from the trunk in his living room, placing it in a paper bag and rolling down the top. He then picked up his phone and activated a voice command. "Call Karen."

The line rang. Once, twice, three, and four times. Matt was sure she was going to let it go to voicemail. But finally, she picked up.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Karen, it's me, Matt." He could hear her exhale angrily. "Please don't hang up. I just need a minute. I need to talk to you in person."

"I have nothing to say to you, Matt," she replied flatly.

"Please, Karen. It's important. Just give me this, and I promise that you'll never hear from me again if that's what you want."

Karen exhaled. "Fine. Where do you want to meet?"

\--

Matt walked down the street feeling unusually at-ease. The paper bag tucked under his arm pulled downward a bit, reminding him of the burden of the sin he still carried, but he felt lighter just knowing he was on his way toward absolution. He had little expectation that God would actually forgive him for everything that he had done in the past year, but if Karen could forgive him, then it would be a start.

**Author's Note:**

> I really have been wanting to do something that explores Matt's Catholicness a bit more explicitly while also giving a nod to the first episode where it's made clear that his relationship with his faith is a bit twisted when he asks forgiveness for what he's about to do. Even as he leaves confession to do penance, it remains more important to him to receive forgiveness from Karen (and presumably Foggy) than it is to accept that, by his own faith, God has already forgiven him.


End file.
